Checking the Rigging

Who do you turn to when, for whatever reason, you haven’t slept all night? When you need someone to pick up your kid from wherever they are and can’t get there yourself? When you get the booster flu and need to rearrange your whole day? When you fall sick for a week? When you need to jump on the next plane to support a family member? When you really would rather have someone go with you to that doctor’s appointment?

How is your safety net rigged?

If any of these questions, or the energy behind them, ignite a bolt of anxiety for you, I want to reassure you:

It’s not you.

Internalizing a dependence on a singular person, partner, or a just too-small pool of people that put expectations on people who have their own fish to fry is an effect of a hetero-normative culture. Many of us may not have the rich and full community we need to allow our fullest expression of self, no matter what happens. Being covered “no matter what happens” means having a plenitude of individuals at our side.

Ask me how I know! I used to wish for someone I could always turn to and count on no matter what. I tried it several times with several people and you can probably guess the unsatisfactory results. This makes sense: this fairy tale was offered up for my non-consensual agreement through media tropes and societal norms before I possessed awareness to know what I agreed to.

Humans are interdependent creatures with many needs. We need to contribute to others as much as we need others to contribute to us! The Capitalistic norm of prioritizing our productivity above all else may have us all, in our differing ways, stretched thinner than we’ve ever been. We need each other now more than ever.

I want to share with you that my life changed completely when I stopped trying to create my fairy tale scenario of someone always being there, and instead built a constellation of relationships and nurturing connections of community care. And it is perfectly reasonable to have a partner within all of this magnificent infrastructure! This is my new fairy tale wish for everyone.

It’s new moon time! New moon time is perfect for setting a new intention.

Today’s invitation:

Part one: Take stock of your people. Write down your loves. Send love notes or voice memos offering gratitude for the specific ways your friends contribute to your good fortune, health, and wellness. Do you see any opportunities for giving as you do this? Look for opportunities to tie a few more knots in your safety net: this may look like deepening your existing connections, calling in new ones, shifting how your energy shows up in some connections, letting go of some nagging but expired beliefs, or beefing up your skills in making direct requests.

Part two: That was a lot of examples! Tying these knots in your net could look like anything. Trust yourself to know what this looks like for you.

Part three: Choose one small step you can make to move toward increased connection in your community.

If you find yourself in need of support in this invitation, this is what I love to do with my clients: being present with the naturally unfolding processes of growth and transformation. Please reach out, I’d love to assist with the rigging!